I don’t have a lot of time to write an extensive post about this, but I at least want to update everyone and I think I will feel better after writing about this.

First, a little story.  When I was a senior in high school, by best friend became really angry with me over a girl.  We both met her at the mall and started hanging out with her.  I liked her, and so did he.  Inside, I knew this, but my selfish hope was that she would fall for me and not for him.  After several days of flirting, talking, wandering around the mall as an awkward threesome, he finally confronted me after she had gone home.

“She doesn’t like you, dude, so stop trying.  Leave her alone.”  That was only the beginning of the conversation.  He went on to tell me everything that was wrong with me both as a friend and as a person.  I was selfish, self-centered, I ignored all of the signals that suggested people didn’t want to be around me and assumed that everyone liked me, especially girls, I was inconsiderate, and about two steps away from getting punched in the face.

I stood there, stunned.  If anyone else had just thrown a list of insults at me like parade candy, I would have returned the favor right away.  But I just stood there and whispered, “Okay.”  I wasn’t angry because he was right.  He wasn’t insulting me; he was just telling the truth.

That was how my job interview went today.  I’m not a perfect teacher at all.  I’m lazy, forgetful, an expert procrastinator.  I’ve made mistakes, professional ones, and it’s true what they say about how ignoring your problems doesn’t make them go away.  After asking me a few questions, the principal basically told me what he had learned about me as a teacher and that if I wanted to really be a great teacher, I needed to take a good look at myself, figure out what’s wrong, accept responsibility for it, and fix it.  Stop blaming others, making excuses (which I am also good at), and most of all stop trying to run away from my problems because that doesn’t help at all.

Again, I was stunned.  Not surprised, because everything he said was true, but just stunned.  It was everything I needed to hear.  It wasn’t easy to hear, but it was necessary.  I didn’t get the job because, as he said, changing schools won’t fix the problem.  I needed to get things straight and maybe later think about moving on, if I still wish to do so.  I actually walked out of the school feeling revived, refreshed.  There is a spiritual analogy I like to use about gold and how it has to be refined in fire before it can be precious.  I think I’m going through that fire right now.  It hurts, but it’s necessary.

Until later — “There’s no turning back now that you opened up to your mind.”